Brain Ephemera

Inside my own thoughts

A tumult of wild stirrings

Makes its way to me

Brains are crazy. I was thinking the other day (see what I did there) about all the INSANE stuff my brain has pondered over the years. I'm not talking about, "I wonder if there actually is an upside to rampant, unchecked Capitalism?" type of thoughts. I mean things that are just. . . . strange. For example: When I was MUCH younger. . . like in my pre-teens. . . I got this idea that if I thought too long and too hard about the mysteries of the universe (think meaning of life, how did we get here type stuff) I'd drop dead. I figured if I actually came to any solid conclusions that knowledge would kill me stone-dead in a hot second. Even today, I still find myself reluctant to think about how completely random it is that we are sentient beings walking around on the skin of this tiny planet. It gives me the shivers. I was also solidly convinced for many years. . . in grade school. . . that I could make myself levitate if I concentrated hard enough. I cannot tell you how many hours I spent sitting in the woods at my great grandparent's house communing with my inner desire to float.

Yeah. . . I was a weird kid. Stop judging me.

I got to wondering if my brain was still as crazy as it had once been so I sat down last night and had a good think about. . . . what I like to think about (very meta) these days. It should come as no surprise--since I've just skimmed past the mid-century point--that I sometimes ruminate on what my preferred afterlife would be. Personally. . . I'd like to be reincarnated as an apex predator. My picks (in order) would be, barn owl, giant pacific octopus, or a cougar. . . . assuming the asshat humans don't run them all into extinction. I also wouldn't mind an afterlife as a mythical creature. . . preferably a firebird (Pssst: the site linked is really cool.) minus the whole getting caught thing.

I've found that I spend A LOT of time half-formulating thoughts about the most random things given the context under which I am thinking them. Like the other day. . . as I was driving around I started thinking about how unlikely each and every relationship a person has actually is. Think about it. A whole cadre of chance encounters and decisions have to happen before two people connect in this world. The odds of meeting "someone" are 100% but the odds of meeting a specific "someone" are super tiny. . . and I'm not just talking about romantic partners either. Or. . . what about the factors that influence our preferred things in life? How random are they? What happened or influenced me to prefer: purple, sushi, my husband, books, cats, winter, big band music. . . . and all the other things I like the most? The whole thing is mind boggling in my opinion.

Now, you might be thinking. . . . "Oooof. . . . adult ADHD much?" but I'd actually categorize myself as a fairly organized thinker. I can tackle just about any academic task without any issues of focus or organization. I can follow recipes and patterns very methodically. I can make a list (check it twice) and tackle it in strict order. I can graph out plot likes like nobody's business. Don't even get me started on my (somewhat alarming and scary) love of data and spreadsheets. It's just that, when my brain gets a chance to run hog-wild. . . . things come a bit off the rails.

And now. . . . now I'm super curious about how others process their inner and outer worlds. Am I an oddball in the way my brain does things or are all my tangential, oh-look-a-chicken contemplations pretty run of the mill?